Fake Five Dollar Bill

I was going for a walk with Neptune, so I took the five dollar bill from my wallet and put it in my pocket (I never know if she’ll want some cookies from the bakery…or if I’ll want them). During my walk I’d had my hands in my pockets, and I always fidget with whatever’s in there: keys, coins, lip balm, pine cones or other things Neputne has given me to hold. So I was running the bill in my hands and was like: “WAITAMINUTE.” I took it out and it was totally fake: very well printed but without any security features.

So no cookies, but a conundrum: now what? I can’t spend it knowing it’s fake; that would make me a liar and I couldn’t deal with that on my conscience. Like if the cashier was like, “Oh, I’m sorry this is fake” and then I’d have to play all dumb. Can’t deal. Won’t deal. Then I thought I could give it away, like to a homeless or something, but then that’s even worse. Then I’ve faked-out the panhandler, coming off all generous, and created a shitty situation for them. Like what would be worse than a panhandler going into a shop to buy a sandwich and they tell him it’s fake and then he looks like a real asshole. That would be lame.

I wish I’d never realised it was fake. I’ve gotten counterfeit bills before, and I’m sure I’ve inadvertently passed them on: it’s just so much easier not knowing. I guess I have to throw the fiver away, or add it to Neptune’s pile of toys.

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