We are playing our first shows in about a week, and I never anticipated that this would happen, but I’m getting nervous. I mean its not like there should be any surprises: the machine is fired up and chugging along. I did my first interview in a long time on Thursday and Murray’s been doing a few every week. I get the Google News/Blog Alerts. I’ve got my finger on the pulse (kind of).
I’ve been sleeping on it. Sleeping on the idea of being in front of an audience again, of reconnecting with the real-world. My head is definitely in a different place: it’s been grounded, with a place for the errant electricity to flow. I feel like the last year of being in the “old” Dears was corroding my soul. At one point I remember thinking: “Who am I?” Like my identity had been so confused with the concerns of others that I’d forgotten who I was, why I was here, what I was doing. You may be reading this, thinking: “Gimmie a break. You play in a rock band. Get over it.” But the personal investment I put into The Dears is enormous. Our band breaking down was unfortunate but it had to happen, and all the pain and hurt and shittiness aside, I’m glad it did.
Now the liberation of today is exhilarating: sometimes I feel like it’s “End of A Hollywood Bedtime Story” all over again. We are diving head first into an unknown. But I feel really optimistic, grateful for all the support from blog readers, from fans, from family and friends. Big thank yous to all.
But now the shows. Rehearsals have been great: everyone is such a good musician and they’ve all really embraced the songs. We have fun, have lots of laughs, play with enthusiasm. It’s definitely not a stressful atmosphere, there’s no pressure, no expectations, just giving life to songs. This week we are not rehearsing and I think that is what’s making me nervous: like I’m going to forget how to play everything or something. The Dears are definitely a new band, a new vibe. We’re not just a bunch of people trying to replace other people: these are killer musicians with their own personalities, their own style. So fingers crossed. You kids in Waterloo, ON are in for a spicy one!