Celebrity Bitchiness: Available Online

Ahh, the internet. Sometimes I love thee, other times, I loathe thee. Taking the general “wasting of time on the internet” down a notch is the task of reading the celebrity gossip blogs. It’s the equivalent of being at the airport, in the magazine store facing the dilemma: “Do I buy The Economist or Us Weekly?” And of course I almost always go for Us Weekly mainly because they have that fashion police section at the back.

Recently, while on the useless celebrity gossip tip, I was wowed by some really spicy meatballs like the embarrassment of Amy Winehouse’s boob implant leaking, the best Miley Cyrus diss ever, and a couple tour bus crashes ((1) and (2)) that always freak me out.

These are the PROS of celebrity gossip blogs. While the line between PROS and CONS is very fine, the CONS usually are the result of weak reporting or, dare I say, conjecture. Or taking a person’s words out of context. Since we are dealing with the scavengers and bottom-feeders of reportage (i.e. paparazzi), this shit happens all the time, and half the stories that are on the PROS list are probably sensationalized and/or falsified is some way. For example: why would they rent a bus to carry Britney’s equipment? That was most likely not a bus but a giant truck. But “bus” implies “passengers” and therefore the possibility of harm.

ANYWAY. The CONS: reading something stupid that someone said. And I’m not talking Courtney Love because that’s too easy. The other day I read this story about how Angelina Jolie apparently thinks President Barack Obama is all “smoke and mirrors” and I was like WTF is this? When was the last time anyone believed that a politician – especially an American president – was a straight up straight shooter? I’m sure these quotes made by Angelina are totally taken out of context and have a bit of broken telephone involved. But really, an ACTOR calling a POLITICIAN fake? They are practically in the same business: the suspension of disbelief.

Inspirational Portrait

As I was reviewing my Facebook profile today, I decided to remove “Barack Obama” as one of the pages I was following. I thought: “Obama-mania is over, he won, he’s in the juice, and I’m Canadian so I should move on.”

But through a series of random events (clicking on Mark Slutsky’s profile, then trying to see a YouTube link he posted of two angry camels in a car, which led me to a Russian blog), I was led back to Barack.

Or, more specifically, a whole slew of Barack-inspired portraits. I was very drawn to this first one, and if I were a little more crazy, I might consider hanging this in my house:

I never did see those two angry camels in a car. But this more than made up for it. Wouldn’t you agree?

Tour Round UP and OUT

The end of this tour is nigh, and I thought I should talk a little more about it. I last left off in Vegas, the heart of darkness. The next day we were in California which made everything awesome. The morning of the 30th we did Morning Becomes Eclectic at KCRW (which you can listen to/watch here). Our L.A. gig was great; we got to meet a lot of our fans afterwards and hung with friends. We also got this incredible room that night at the London Hotel in West Hollywood…which might not seem interesting but the little luxuries are rejuvenating after two weeks of touring.

The next day was Hallow’een. We rented a car (essential to an enjoyable L.A. visit) and headed out to Buzznet/Stereogum for an acoustic session (which is probably somewhere on the internet but I can’t find it). Then we visited the Dangerbird office, went for lunch, then headed back to the bus. It was getting late in the afternoon and we were invited by Steve Nice out to Pasadena for trick-or-treating with his family. Back home we are used to bundling up under our costumes because it sometimes snows on Hallow’een, but out in L.A. that is not necessary. Neptune’s crinolined-and-winged fairy costume was just fine. It was very cute and very fun and by the end of it we were all exhausted. We got back to the bus and a very different kind of Hallow’een was underway in West Hollywood…revelers were just heading out to the annual street party thing that goes down. It was just weird to see so many grown adults dressed up…they take Hallow’een very seriously in Hollywood, I guess.

The next day we woke up in Solana Beach, a seaside suburb of San Diego. We went down to the beach with the intention of just checking it out. But being Canadian and all, we found the water a bit cool but totally swim-able. The whole band spent the day on the beach, swimming, jogging, chilling, laughing that people thought they needed wetsuits; Neptune dug in the sand and went in to, playing the classic “chase the waves” game. That really mellowed us out and Murray and I questioned why we didn’t live closer to the ocean? The next day some sunburns revealed themselves.

Then it was San Francisco. Awesome city but the weather changes so frequently throughout the day. We walked to the park, then went to the theatre to see Zack and Miri Make a Porno because the song You and I (Are a Gang of Losers) is in it. I went to see Hollywood Chihuahua with Neptune so I didn’t see it but apparently the song is right at the end and really prominently used. Anyhow, the next day was our show, which was interesting because the power went out twice: first during the opening band’s set, then again during changeover. We waited a long time for the power to come back on (apparently they were doing maintence and the whole block was out), during which we sat backstage with some acoustic guitars trying to figure out what we could do with no PA, no lights. Then all of a sudden the crowd cheered under the one emergency light and Murray was on stage with an acoustic. He sang Missiles and There Goes My Outfit and the lights came back on halfway through Deuxieme Partie (Second Part). We played a makeshift Bandwagoneers while Laura and my keyboards loaded, the hammered through the rest of the set.

We were parked in some small town in Southern Oregon on election day. The front TV on the bus was CNN and the back TV was Fox News…but eventually they were both on CNN because a Canadian can only take so much Fox News. We ordered pizza and beer and watched Barack Obama destroy the competition. Good job, USA. You’re coming back.

He’s Running for President

The Blogosphere is probably overrun with posts about today, America’s Super Tuesday. I don’t really want to get into it: my opinion, as a Canadian who blogs often about the wily ways of the USA, couldn’t possibly matter much. But in the name of bandwagoneering, here are some thoughts:

If you haven’t figured it out already, I’m not really a big fan of the Right. Though I don’t really believe much in the institution that’s become of the Left, either. Which is why I’m into Barack. He doesn’t pander to the rich, he doesn’t serve America’s money, he wants to work for the people. Hillary, while she’s got “experience” working with the old world powers in the White House, doesn’t make me very confident that she will make a noticeable difference. It will just be more status quo, with a slight left-of-center lean. And besides she barely has a personality. She’s like a grade 8 school teacher trying really, really hard to be “hip” and “one of the kids” but really she’s about as cool as Nachos, Flanders style.

Anyway, so that’s it. On the other side I guess I’d go for McCain or Huckabee because Romney creeps me out and Paul is too old. So my message to any Dems or undecided voters out there: go Barack and you’ll never go back.