Lately I’ve been feeling a little anxious, a little dejected, trying hard to find the light in the tunnel. Why? I’ve taken on more responsibility in planning our upcoming tour, and realised today – after a strangely prophetic dream of driving Gwen Stefani around in a Honda Civic – that I take on everything I do very emotionally. I feel weight when our business is constricted, I feel euphoria when it hits a high. I feel like it’s my responsibility to try and fully understand every situation, every point of view, every effect my actions may have on others.
I don’t like the feeling of regret, and so I regret very little in my life. Instead I learn, I use my mistakes as a foundation on which to build something better. So I don’t appreciate the prospect of walking into the lion’s den, or down the garden path someone might selfishly be tempting me to stroll along.
Maybe my emotional and psychological investment into The Dears on a business level cannot be removed, but at least I can try to better understand their conjunction. Alas, it gets me down sometimes, I get frustrated and anxious and might spend entire afternoons burning through a video game (They’re trying to turn me into a Big Daddy: becoming the enemy).
On the other hand I am really looking forward to this tour, to being in the desert, motoring through New Mexico and Arizona and playing our own shows in Canada, finally. Except as of right now I need a haircut, so I’m not totally ready…in several ways.