Celebrity Bitchiness: Available Online

Ahh, the internet. Sometimes I love thee, other times, I loathe thee. Taking the general “wasting of time on the internet” down a notch is the task of reading the celebrity gossip blogs. It’s the equivalent of being at the airport, in the magazine store facing the dilemma: “Do I buy The Economist or Us Weekly?” And of course I almost always go for Us Weekly mainly because they have that fashion police section at the back.

Recently, while on the useless celebrity gossip tip, I was wowed by some really spicy meatballs like the embarrassment of Amy Winehouse’s boob implant leaking, the best Miley Cyrus diss ever, and a couple tour bus crashes ((1) and (2)) that always freak me out.

These are the PROS of celebrity gossip blogs. While the line between PROS and CONS is very fine, the CONS usually are the result of weak reporting or, dare I say, conjecture. Or taking a person’s words out of context. Since we are dealing with the scavengers and bottom-feeders of reportage (i.e. paparazzi), this shit happens all the time, and half the stories that are on the PROS list are probably sensationalized and/or falsified is some way. For example: why would they rent a bus to carry Britney’s equipment? That was most likely not a bus but a giant truck. But “bus” implies “passengers” and therefore the possibility of harm.

ANYWAY. The CONS: reading something stupid that someone said. And I’m not talking Courtney Love because that’s too easy. The other day I read this story about how Angelina Jolie apparently thinks President Barack Obama is all “smoke and mirrors” and I was like WTF is this? When was the last time anyone believed that a politician – especially an American president – was a straight up straight shooter? I’m sure these quotes made by Angelina are totally taken out of context and have a bit of broken telephone involved. But really, an ACTOR calling a POLITICIAN fake? They are practically in the same business: the suspension of disbelief.

Update your Bookmark Toolbar

Let’s face it: the main function of the internet is to consume our time while giving us a feeling of accomplishment. Does scouring Facebook for information on our “friends” qualify as social research or a waste of time? Everybody has their favourite sites, their Bookmark Toolbars with their most visited places. While wasting some time of my own, I found this story: A.V. Club’s Favourite Time-Wasting Websites. I realised it was time to update my bookmarks.

For about a year I’ve been addicted to Perez Hilton. It’s been like a car crash: I have to look, at risk of seeing something terrible. That’s a human reaction, right? Anyway, I have seen several accidents, train wrecks, and tons of stupid, baby-la-la shit. Sometimes its funny, sad, tragic and definitely juvenile. Sometimes I agree, others I disagree. But it is celebrity paparazzi culture, so I don’t let it affect me too deeply. But of all the double-standards that are all over that site (like some people are gross when they smoke, others are allowed), the final double-standard was when he announced that he was starting a record label. This label is going to be a success, and I have to give Perez props for deconstructing the entire entertainment industry, only to rebuild it under his rules. He really gives it his all, his personality is invested in the total identity of the site, and will spill over into the identity of his label. Excellent marketing.

And so I realised I needed a new vision when it comes to trash talking. I deleted my Perez bookmark and am feeling like I will get the same content between my music “industry” newsletter, Go Fug Yourself and new addition, Dlisted. Round it out with NME.com, the BBC and the occasional local perspective from either Midnight Poutine or Fagstein and there you have it: the world in pop culture.

Update your bookmarks accordingly.